


One Small Slip

by mollrach13



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Always-a-girl!Merlin, Casual Sex, F/M, Genderswap, Het, Infidelity, Intoxication, Kid Fic, Modern Era, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-30
Updated: 2012-11-30
Packaged: 2017-11-19 22:25:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/578296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollrach13/pseuds/mollrach13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur's life was perfect... right up until his long time girlfriend dropped the bomb that she had been sleeping with one of his best friends. Now Arthur finds comfort and solace in the arms of Merlin, the bar maid at his pub. Their relationship is everything Arthur needs at that moment; fun, easy, sexy... But unbeknownst to him it has unexpected ramifications that will effect them all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Small Slip

**Author's Note:**

> written for the kinkme_merlin prompt: Arthur/Merlin, with girl Merlin, Modern AU
> 
> Gwen breaks up with Arthur and he uses Merlin as rebound. He gets her pregnant and when Merlin sneakily tries to ask about Arthur's stance on children, he tells her that he abhors them and would rather abort a child than raise one. (Maybe because of his upbringing) Pregnant, Merlin moves away and raises her son on her own.

A week ago Arthur would have told you his life was perfect, set. He had a job that he enjoyed; it challenged him, inspired him and paid for his designer suits. He had a wonderful, gorgeous, amazing girlfriend whose heart was so kind and all his friends just adored. He had the fast car, the house in the suburbs and the rag tag group of brilliant mates.

Every Friday, with only a few rare misses, he and the boys met in the local pub. There Arthur would listen to Leon complain about his job, listen to Percy go on about his five year old son’s profound prowess with a football, hear about Elyan’s latest dating disaster and be told, in graphic detail, about Gwaine’s latest conquest. And Arthur would sit back, laugh with them, drink his pint and think that life really couldn’t get much better. 

But now, this Friday, Arthur was sat in his car outside The White Dragon, staring into space, engine off, keys in hand, his heated breath fogging up the windows, and feeling his life crack around the base.

He walked through the door, letting the rain water soak into his hair and coat without much notice. It was like he was on auto pilot. He allowed Leon to herd him to their booth, accepted the pint Gwaine pushed into his hand and sat back.

After a while, when he couldn’t take the guys careful jokes, their determination not to mention the elephant in the room and Elyan’s haunted guilty looks, like it was his fault his sister had decided to screw Arthur over, Arthur retreated to the bar.

As Arthur wandered over he could see the cropped black hair bobbing up on a long neck of Merlin serving behind the bar, as she did most Friday’s. (On her first shift she had called Arthur an arse and Gwaine had been half in love with her ever since).

She finished pulling the pint and set it before Grunhilda, wiping the excess ale on her standard issue Youngs t-shirt, at least three sizes too big for her skinny frame, and made her way over.

“What will it be tonight my lord?” she quipped with a smile. Arthur tried to return it with his standard grin and comeback but it his smile felt wooden and brittle on his face. Merlin’s smile suddenly lost its glee and she frowned. “Arthur? What’s wrong?”

Arthur blinked back at Merlin’s wide blue eyes shimmering with concern and took a breath. “Gwen,” he croaked, the first time he had said her name since their blow out fight that afternoon, “Gwen and I broke up.”

Merlin’s pale face twisted with concern and pity and she placed a slim warm hand over Arthur’s. “Oh Arthur,” she murmured, any glimmer of a joke gone. “I am so sorry.”

Arthur had been hearing that all day, from his assistant, from Morgana, from the guys when he told them over the phone. But this was the first time it hadn’t made him bristle.

The smile he mustered for the bar maid then was more genuine and he patted her hand where it rested still on his arm. “Thanks Merlin,” he muttered.

“Here,” she said, passing five bottles of Desparado over the counter, “on the house.”

“Merlin-“ Arthur tried to refuse but Merlin shook her head firmly, her short hair falling from behind her ear. 

“No, go on, drown your sorrows like a proper man. I’ll see if Alice can muster you up some grub.”

Arthur took the bottles between his fingers with a grateful smile. “Thanks Merlin.”

“No problem,” she gave him a small smile, the little dimples showing on her cheeks and waved him away, going to her next customer

*

Arthur had tried to drag the night out as long as possible, tried to nag Leon into one more drink, tried to guilt Gwaine into cancelling his date, but as much as Arthur’s life had fallen to pieces the rest all had lives to get on with. So Arthur reluctantly let them all go, to their home, their families, or someone else’s bed. And now Arthur stood at his car, keys twisting through his idle fingers, not wanting to go home. 

“Arthur?” 

Startled, Arthur turned. The night was dark and misting already, a thin figure emerged from the end of the alley. It was Merlin, her brown leather coat zipped up to her chin, hands shoved in the pockets. She frowned at him come forward. “Arthur? You alright?”

Arthur let out a sad little chuckle and looked at the keys jingling in his hands. “I don’t think I can drive.”

“The amount you lot were knocking back tonight I can’t say I disagree,” Merlin chuckled coming forward into the light of the streetlamp. The orange light cast harsh shadows on her pale face, highlighting her sharp cheekbones and dark lashes. 

“Yeah,” Arthur swallowed past the lump in his throat. All he could think of was that he was going to go home, to his empty house, still littered with Gwen’s things; her toothbrush in the holder, her bathrobe on the back of the bathroom door, her side of the bed dented with the weight of her body, the pillow smelling of her shampoo.

Arthur startled again when a warm hand pressed gently up against his chest. He blinked down to see Merlin’s long pale fingers resting gently over his heart contrasting against the black of his coat. 

“I know it’s hard Arthur,” Merlin whispered into the space between them. “You think it won’t get better. But it will, I can promise.”

“Oh you promise do you?” Arthur scoffed but Merlin just pressed harder against his chest, right above his heart. 

“Yes. I do.”

She stared at him, her eyes large and intense, and very blue. After a few moments her stare softened into something fonder and began to pull away with a final pat. Unconsciously Arthurs hand shot up, covering Merlin’s keeping it trapped against his body.

“Don’t,” he whispered.

Merlin stared up at him in slight shock and confusion. “Arthur…”

“Just- “Arthur swallowed. “I don’t think I can be alone right now...” Just the mere thought of it was painful.

“Alright.” She murmured eventually, pulling away from Arthur’s body. Immediately he felt the cold air surround him, like an island being cut off by the sea. “Alright,” She murmured again taking the car keys from Arthur clenching fist.

Arthur immediately collapsed into the passenger seat, leant his head back against the seat and closed his eyes; the swarm of alcohol running through his veins making him feel hot and dizzy. He tried to banish every thought of chocolate brown skin from his mind, the fullness of her breasts, the gentle curve to her belly. The way she would make that little exhaling noise when he entered her-

Arthur shot out a hand, gripping it tightly to Merlin’s denim clad thigh as she drove, feeling the rigid movement of muscles beneath his hand. This is what he needed, something completely different, this thigh wasn’t sumptuous and soft, it was lean, and firm with sinewy muscle. 

His hand clenched and unclenched against the flesh, perhaps a bit too hard but he couldn’t stop; he had nothing else to hold onto. 

Arthur directed Merlin to his house in monotone words, short and direct, nothing more than what needed to be said. He perhaps should have felt guilty, but he had no emotional strength left for anything more than the raging desperation filling him.

Merlin didn’t look at him when the car stopped but led Arthur to his door and slipped the keys into the lock.

The door swung open, into the utterly empty flat. Arthur looked down the long hallway, dull and silent and couldn’t take a step forward.

“Arthur?”

Arthur looked to the side to see Merlin watching him in concern, a tiny little crease between her two dark eyebrows, pinching her face in unease.

“Do you-“ Arthur swallowed past the clog in his throat. “Do you want to come in?”

Merlin looked from Arthur, then inside, then to Arthur again… 

“Please,” Arthur tagged on. Merlin looked straight at him them, her eyes firm and took a step forward, her shoulder brushing against his chest as she slipped through the door.

Arthur swallowed and followed, locking the door behind him.

He didn’t bother to turn on the lights, and neither did Merlin. He stood, silent for a moment, just listening to Merlin’s quick breaths a few paces away. Then those long nimble fingers came out of the shadows and pressed gently against his chest again in reassurance. Arthur let the breath he was holding escape him in a whoosh and dove forward.

Arthur pushed his lips forward once, drawing a startled little moan from Merlin. Feeling bolder he did it again, capturing her full bottom lips between his own. Merlin’s lips moved between his own, capturing his top lip in unison. Arthur angled his head, slipping a hand into Merlin short locks, moving her head to the side, drawing them closer together.

He lost himself in the feeling, the rub of Merlin’s lips against his own, the heady rush of lust powering over the ache in his chest and he almost got over the fact that it wasn’t Gwen he was kissing, had almost forgotten it was harsh black spikes beneath his fingers rather than soft curling locks, when the lips were gone.

“This is a bad idea...” Merlin whispered, her breath coming out heavy. “Arthur, you and Gwen-“

He could feel Merlin’s body shaking against his own, her sharp angles digging into places he wasn’t used to, her body reaching up higher than the small woman he had been sharing a bed with these last six years. He didn’t know whether it was cold, or the same desperation he could feel thrumming through his veins but he gripped her trim waist. 

“Please Merlin,” he whispered against her panting lips. 

Arthur’s mouth descended again on Merlin’s, biting, claiming as Merlin’s back hit the wall with a thud, and god love her, she didn’t try to slow him down or calm him. She gripped at his back just as harshly, arching her pelvis into his with a delicious grunt and began to tear at his jacket. 

Arthur growled and turned them, pushing Merlin against the opposite wall just because he could. He felt something fall off the shelf beside him and hoped it was the picture of him and Gwen on his father’s 50th birthday. 

Deliberately he stepped forward, and felt the frame crunch under his foot.

Merlin’s teeth sunk into his neck, drawing his attention back to her. That was good; he wanted marks, proof of this night for the morning. He couldn’t help the drowning moan he let out when she bit harshly again right there, where his neck met his shoulder. 

Arthur moved his hands down her long back, grabbing at her pert little arse and pulling her up.

She swung her legs around his waist like she was born to do it and Arthur began to grind. No finesse, no rhythm, just taking what he needed in a way that he hadn’t had the luxury for in years. Merlin didn’t seem to mind. She let her head fall with a thunk against the yellow wallpaper behind her. Arthur hated that wallpaper but had let Gwen pick it out…

He squeezed his eyes against the flood of memories that wanted to undo him and lost himself in the delicious friction of his aching dick against the cotton of his underwear. It didn’t even occur to him to lose any clothing, succumbing to his natural instincts, until Merlin grappled a fumbling hand to his fly.

Catching on he batted her hand away, impatiently drawing his dick out into the air. Merlin immediately made a hungry noise from where he still held her up against the wall and clamped a sweaty hand around his length. Arthur groaned low in his throat and pumped into her grip, her thin fingers just the right tightness around him. But he needed more, more.

He contended with the button on her jeans, pulling at the material harshly until they hung down just below her bum, along with her knickers, and with no forward thought pushed into her.

Merlin let out a cut off yelp, Arthur knew he must have hurt her a little but he just couldn’t stop, he couldn’t. He felt the sting of Merlin’s nails against his back, under his shirt that was still buttoned around his torso and slammed in again. And again. And again.

He lost himself in the heat clenching around his dick, the moist wetness he could feel dribbling down his balls, the pleasure pain of nails down his back, the breathless little moans that seemed punched out of Merlin’s mouth on every hard thrust. He could feel it coming but his orgasm still shocked him, breaking through him like a punch. 

When he was wrung Arthur let his head fall forward onto Merlin’s shoulder and couldn’t’ help the sobbing breath that escaped. 

He just leant there, his head resting in the contours of Merlin’s t-shirt, rough and itchy against his skin. But he couldn’t move. His breath stuttered in his chest on every breath, with more than just sweat dampening the material beneath his face. 

“Sorry,” Arthur mumbled when he got hold of his breathing. Merlin gave his shoulder a quick squeeze and slowly loosened her legs from around him, lowering her feet to the ground. From his vantage point he could see her jeans pooled around her knees, her knickers curled inside… god he hadn’t even taken her t-shirt off, just taken her against the wall like an animal.  
“God I’m sorry Merlin,” he whispered wretchedly, shutting his eyes against the sight of his limp, cum covered dick. “We didn’t even use-“

“It’s alright Arthur,” Merlin whispered soothingly into his ear. “Your clean, I’m clean, I’m on the pill. We’re fine.”

“No I’m not,” he hiccupped out. “I’m not fine at all.”

He felt Merlin’s chest rise and fall with a deep sigh, her hands tangled in his hair, soothing him. “Let’s get you to bed huh?”

Arthur let himself be led through up the stairs into his room, and pushed to sit on his bed. He sat almost immobile as the women he had just shagged wiped him clean, taking a tissue to his damp cheeks as well, all with nothing but a sad smile. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered again into the space between them. Merlin crouched down in front of him catching his eye.

“Nothing to be sorry for Arthur, we’re both consenting adults and all. If I hadn’t wanted to I’d have kicked your arse.”

“Yeah,” Arthur forced out on a damp chuckle. He let Merlin push at his shoulder, flopping back onto the bed, dropping his hands over his eyes in hopes that when he blinked into the light again this whole day would all be a figment of his imagination. 

He felt Merlin’s presence leave him for a moment and his mind reverted back to the same question that had been buzzing around it ever since Gwen told him she was breaking up with him: Was it his fault? Had he not been a good enough boyfriend? Had he not loved her enough? Was he emotionally unavailable? Was he crap in bed? Did he snore? Leave the toilet seat up? Was it his taste in music?

“Hey Arthur,” Merlin’s voice murmured from above. Arthur blinked his eyes open to see Merlin silhouetted against the harsh ceiling light, bracing herself over him. Arthur blamed his drink consumption as well as the recent orgasm for the fact that it took him a moment to realise that she was now naked. He blinked again but it was still the same. 

Her skin was so pale; he could see the blue outlines of her veins beneath her skin. Her breasts and nipples looked small but tight and firm. And she was long, so long. Arthur swallowed and looked back up at her blue eyes.

“You need to stop,” she murmured quietly

Merlin slithered gracefully down his body, drawing his messy and rumpled suit trousers from around his arse. She drew them slowly down off his legs and finally removed them, his shoes socks and boxers all in one motion, never taking her eyes from Arthur’s.

“You just need to stop thinking for a moment.”

“That is what I was trying to do in the hallway,” Arthur complained but Merlin just rolled her eyes.

“In the hallway you were thinking way too much. Thinking about what you should think about, what you wanted to think about… No, what you need is not to think at all.”

“Well, I’m out of ideas,” Arthur threw his hands up in exasperation, purposefully ignoring that fact that his bottom half was now bare to the world and a naked woman’s face was increasingly close to his gentiles.

“That is why I am the brains of this outfit Pendragon,” Merlin quipped, sliding a hand up Arthur’s thigh. Arthur barely had time to scoff around the clogging in his throat before he felt soft breathes against the tip of his penis.

At the warm, moist puffs of air against him Arthur could feel himself filling up again, he hadn’t had this quick recovery time since he was in Uni and he and Gwen had started dating end of first year…

“Ahh,” Merlin chastised flicking a finger dangerously close to his balls. Arthur sent her a glaring look which she stared down unaffected. “I can hear you still thinking.”

“Fine,” Arthur huffed, straining his brain to think of nothing but black, as far as the eyes could see which all suddenly flashed white at the first touch of lips against this dick. Now this, his brain helpfully supplied, was more like it. 

Arthur moaned, long and relieved, and buried his hand into Merlin’s head as it bobbed expertly between his thighs. 

This time he did loose himself. 

It took him quite a long time to cum but Merlin didn’t slow, her pressure was wonderful, the right touch of teeth, her long fingers tugging on his balls and stroking fleetingly at his perineum. This time his orgasm didn’t take him by surprise, Arthur could feel it building and bubbling at the base of his spine, slowly flowing into his cock, drawing his balls up tight. When it finally did erupt it was with a soundless, wordless gasp from Arthur’s lips. 

When Merlin had squeezed all she could from his poor little penis she flopped onto the bed beside him. Arthur just about had the energy to turn his face her way giving her a tired smile in thanks. 

“You think you can sleep now?” she asked rubbing absently at her jaw. 

“Mpfph,” Arthur grumbled in reply closing his eyes. 

He felt Merlin chuckle at his side. “Though so,” she murmured. 

*

When Arthur woke the bed was empty, his suit trousers folded neatly on the chair with his shoes and socks tucked neatly beneath it. When Arthur finally pried himself out of bed he prepared himself and wandered into the hallway that he had decimated last night. 

But the crushed picture had been picked up, the frame remnants sweeped neatly into a pile and the picture carefully placed back in the table. Arthur looked at it, he and Gwen tucked in together, her beautiful purple summer dress blowing in the wind as they both smiled at the camera. 

Arthur felt the stab of grief in his heart once more and tucked the photo between two books on his bookcase where he wouldn’t have to look at it. 

*

Arthur avoided The Dragon for the next few weeks, only agreeing to join the boys when he knew Merlin wouldn’t be there. It was perhaps slightly cowardly but he still saw Gwen’s toothbrush every morning, his shower still smelt of the shower gel she had picked for him, his cupboards were still filled with her favourite cereal and Arthur just didn’t want to deal with Merlin quite yet. 

His plan of avoidance worked until he turned up, suit jacket discarded, tie loosened, shirt sleeves rolled up, and found Merlin sat on the punters side of the bar chatting amicably away with a regular, Geoffrey.

Her blue eyes zeroed in on him as soon as he stepped foot inside the pub. Arthur stalled slightly under her gaze, her normal baggy t-shirt gone, replaced with an skin tight black t-shirt, her neck bare without it’s up turned collar. She seemed even more naked than she had been writhing in his bed. 

At that mental image he immediately shook the thoughts away and cleared his throat and Merlin, the bloody minx that she was, just smirked at him, like she could tell every little thought that was running through his head and gestured over to the booth in the far corner.

Nodding his thanks Arthur walked, making very sure it didn’t look like he was rushing, over to where he could already hear Gwaine raucous laughter.

Arthur made sure to position himself behind the conveniently placed pillar, his back to the bar and tried to relax. But it was like he could feel her gaze and presence behind him the whole time. It made him twitchy.

He got out of going to the bar for as long as he could until they were around the darts board watching Leon ‘Precision’ Keller swiftly beat Elyan at darts. Then Gwaine sent him over to the bar with an evil smirk to his mouth and a drinks order.

Arthur chose his space at the bar carefully. Not too close to Merlin’s seat, where she was now alone with a dog eared book open in front of her, but not too far away to make it seem like he was avoiding her.

She glanced up when Arthur ordered, Arthur offered her a tight smile and then placed his concentration firmly on his drinks, or on the boys. Anywhere but Merlin.

“Haven’t seen you down here in a while.” Arthur startled when he heard Merlin’s voice. She stared at him with one eyebrow raised, book forgotten. “A girl might think you were trying to avoid her.”

“Look, Merlin,“ he sighed, trying to figure out the nicest way to say that he had just been horny and heartbroken and she had been there.

“Relax Arthur,” she smiled easily. “I know rebound sex when I have it. That’s cool. You don’t have to,“ she waved a delicate hand over Arthur’s whole being, “be all twitchy. Seriously, it makes me ache just watching the line of your shoulders.”

Arthur chuckled and let his shoulders drop in relaxation. Merlin smiled at him smugly as Arthur paid for his drinks.

“So…” Merlin drawled cocking her head to one side, staring intently at Arthur. The kind of piercing stare that made Arthur go hot all over. “How heartbroken do you feel?”

“What?” Arthur blinked.

“On a scale of one to ten. Do you still feel heartbroken and horny?” Arthur choked on the phrase that he had just used in his head a moment ago. “Still feel on the rebound? Because I am free tonight,” she murmured, looking up from under her lashes like the little minx she was. “If you were still interested.”

Arthur huffed disbelievingly for a moment and then made a show of giving her the up and down. Her sinfully skin tight jeans that he now knew hid knobbly knees on lithe muscled legs and gorgeous hips that were just made for grabbing and holding onto. Her black t-shirt that hid her frame but Arthur knew now the pert little boobs and pink nipples hidden underneath.

“Maybe,” he mused, letting his voice go low. “I’ll have to see how I feel. It might be that darts is enough for my broken soul.”

Merlin shrugged, leaning back in her stool. “Well you know where I’ll be… if you should have need.”

Arthur gave her a smirk and retreated back to the boys. He still felt her presence behind him all night, felt her eyes on his back and bum but now it made him hot with promise.

*

Arthur took Merlin home again that night. 

And the next weekend. And the weekend after that.

It became a pattern. He would spend his week submersing himself in work, pretending everything was fine and normal. He would stay at work as late as he could and fall into the house knackered, dropping straight off to sleep only to repeat it again the next day.

And on a Friday night he would fall into Merlin. 

He was like an addict, he knew he was setting himself up in this cycle of self-denial and destruction, but when he was alone silence and aching loneliness ate into his soul, and when he was with her, with her mouth, her hands, her pussy, making him cum like a volcano, he couldn’t care, and couldn’t care that he was taking her down with him

*

After being in an exclusive (in his mind) relationship for the last six years of his life, Arthur knew the perks of having a love mate that you were familiar with. You knew what was good for them, knew what they didn’t like, knew how to make them shriek and knew how to make them melt. And they knew you too. But with Merlin, it was just so much fun finding out.

She was bouncing in his lap like a pro, her internal walls squeezing him tightly as she rocked, manipulating her own hips to get him to the right spot every time. Arthur could do nothing but lay back and moan as she braced herself backwards against his thighs arching her long body impossibly in the moonlight. 

“Oh God Arthur,” she groaned breathlessly. “I’m close, so close.” She grabbed his hand from where it had been helplessly gripping her hips and pressed his thumb against her clit. Getting with the program Arthur rubbed against the bundle of nerves roughly, making her squeal and buck against him. 

Her body began to tighten further around him and he could actually see her orgasm brewing on her face. He surged upward, taking on of her nipples into his mouth and sucking until he felt her go, her walls convulsing around his throbbing dick and her body shaking against his own. 

He kept rubbing at her clit until she sobbed a breath pushing his hands away and resumed her rhythm. After the show Arthur was close enough but then she leant back and rolled his balls over in her hand, Arthur ran a rough hand up the long flat plain of her stomach and went. 

His groan was long and deep and heartfelt as he spent himself into the condom and lifted his hips once more to thrust inside her. 

They both flopped, exhausted and sweaty, back onto Arthur sheets. Arthur pressed a lazy kiss to her bare shoulder as she pulled off him and flopped to his side.

“Mmm,” she mumbled eyes half shut. “Good show.”

Arthur chuckled, disposing of the full condom and wiping himself up with a tissue. He lay back and waited for Merlin to say something. She always had something to say and Arthur had found no matter how hard he pushed her in their escapades her tongue still found energy to fill the silent air.

It had been annoying the first time but now it was just an accepted dessert to amazing sex and he put up with it without too much complaining. But he waited, and there was silence. 

“Wow,” he murmured, closing his eyes. “Have I finally worn you out, nothing to say tonight?”

There was a beat of silence before Merlin did speak finally. “Are you ever going to actually tell me what happened with you and Gwen?”

Arthur opened his eyes in shock. That he had certainly not been expecting. He stared up at the ceiling, allowing himself to just feel the warmth of Merlin’s over heated skin seep into his side. He felt her prop her bony chin on his shoulder, staring up at the side of his face. Sighing, he kept his eyes fixed to the ceiling. “She cheated on me with Lance.” 

“Huh,” Merlin murmured, sounding slightly surprised. Arthur glanced down to see a little frown between her dark eyebrows. “Lance always seemed nice; I didn’t think he would do something like that.”

Scoffing, Arthur rolled onto his side away from her, dislodging Merlin from her secure tuck against his body. He didn’t want to bloody talk about it. “Yeah well, he did.”

Thankfully, for once, Merlin seemed to take the hint and settled quietly on the bed behind him. After a few minutes of nothing but silence he felt her slip out of the covers. Arthur curbed his instinct to turn and watch her pale skin in the lamp light, and instead stubbornly watched her shadow on the wardrobe door pick up her discarded clothes and get dressed. 

Once the shadow was fully dressed it loomed forward and Arthur hastily shut his eyes feigning sleep. He knew that Merlin would see through it but also knew that she would be gracious enough (tonight at least) not to call him on it.

He felt warm breath brush against his face before plump lips pressed against his forehead. “Night Arthur,” Merlin whispered before leaving, the door shutting in her wake.

*

Arthur’s mind was buzzing, high on his favourite drug. She was laid out before him on the brand new, deep red sheets he’d bought, her body naked, her pink skin glowing red in places, roughened by his stubbled chin as he tasted every part of her he could. 

Arthur grinned down on her squirming body with satisfaction.

“Come on Arthur,” she practically begged arching her hips off the mattress. “Enough with the foreplay.”

He just leant down capturing her lips in a probing kiss and pulled back, hand going to the condom box… when his phone rang.

He smirked down at her evilly and could tell she was reading his plan on his face for all to see.

“No,” she groaned, hands gripping at Arthur’s wrist. “Don’t you dare answer that.”

Arthur just chuckled sending her a wink and answered it, ignoring her death glare and the middle finger held aloft

“Hello?” he spoke into the ear piece grinning at Merlin’s unimpressed stare. 

Soft shallow breaths sounded in his ear… familiar breaths. A painful chord struck through his whole body. His surroundings forgotten, he turned from the bed. “Gwen?”

“Arthur,” A trembling whisper sounded in his ear. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately, hearing the tears in her voice. “Are you alright?”

“Am I alright?” she chuckled sadly. Arthur could actually see her in his mind, ducking her head through the phone line. “No, no I’m not really.”

“What can I do?”

“I need to see you.” 

Arthur’s heart leapt at the thought. Just the thought of seeing her face again was simultaneously painful an irresistible. “Um…” he murmured, already hunting for his shirt. “Yes, Yes of course. Where?”

“The services at Junction 23?”

“Give me twenty minutes,” Arthur promised, shaking out the in-turned sleeve to his dress shirt. 

When Arthur turned back to the bed he started at Merlin sat there, still naked, in his new sheets. He had forgotten she had even been there. 

“Who was that?” Merlin asked. 

He averted his eyes from her exposed skin and ferreted the floor for his jeans. He didn’t have time for explanations “Gwen.”

“Gwen?” Merlin raised an incredulous eyebrow. “The woman who cheated on you with one of your best friends? That Gwen?”

“She wouldn’t call if it wasn’t important and I didn’t ask for your input,” Arthur snapped as he buttoned up his shirt.

Merlin held up her hands in surrender. “I didn’t say anything.”

She was sat in the middle of his disgraced bed, her knees pulled leisurely against her bare breasts, no clothing adorning her body but one odd red sock. For some reason it just made Arthur mad. “Yeah you never do,” Arthur spat, viciously pulling on his own socks.

Merlin frowned at him, her head tipped to one side. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean you never come right out and say anything your thinking,” Arthur ragged now, grabbing his discarded jeans form the floor. “You imply it with you smirks, and your eyebrows and what you mistakenly think of as witty comments!”

“Ok, calm down-”

“You know,” Arthur continued, on a roll now, “I never asked for any of your opinions. In fact I have only ever wanted one thing from you and tonight it is not going to happen so get out.”

Merlin blinked at him, her head rearing back slightly in shock. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” Arthur spat, opening his bedroom door and holding it, his jeans still in hand. “Leave.”

Merlin’s eyes stared at him, wide and disbelieving for a moment before something hard and shuttered rapidly fell over her face, cooling her normally expressive eyes and thinning out her luscious lips. But Arthur was too angry to notice.

He was angry at himself more than anything; he didn’t want to want to go to Gwen when she called. He didn’t want Merlin comments on the matter of his ridiculously self-harming heart. He didn’t want to feel like this anymore but no one was asking what he wanted so he dealt with the hand he had.

Arthur watched with detachment as Merlin quickly gathered her clothes, dressing as quickly as she could, smiling cruelly when she tripped pulling her jeans on. Merlin didn’t look at him again and slipped past him, leaving swiftly into the night.

Arthur heard the door downstairs slam shut and then the house was empty once again. His phone buzzed in his hand making him jump. Thumbing the message open it was from Gwen.

\- Are you on your way?

Arthur sighed and grabbed his keys.

*

Arthur pulled up outside the services amongst the rows of other late night visitors and cursed at the way his palms were sweating and his pulse was racing. This woman he was about to see had broken his heart, torn through his world and shaken his normally solid foundations. But he couldn’t help the way his heart still leapt when he saw her curled hair, falling over her cheeks at the table inside.

He swallowed and walked forward slowly taking her in. She had had a haircut, shorter, a little retro, but he liked it, it suited her. It showed off her neck which Arthur had always loved, never letting an opportunity pass to press a kiss against its warm skin.

“Arthur,” She greeted with a shaky, hesitant smile, standing as he neared. He offered a tight grimace in response and sat wordlessly. Gwen quickly dropped to her seat. “Um...” she mumbled, “I got you a coffee, it might be a little cool now though.”

Arthur accepted the warm mug and took a sip, a White Caffe Mocha, just the way he liked it, but would never allow himself to drink at work. “Thanks,” he grunted, licking the residue off his lips. “What did you need Guinevere?” 

Gwen shuffled in the seat opposite and hesitantly leant down to the bag by her feet. “These are yours.” She pushed the large tote over the table to Arthur who blinked down into its contents. His hoodie, a few of his CD’s, the book he had been reading that he left on Gwen’s bedside, his favourite instant coffee brand.

He looked up at Gwen. “This is what you called me here for?” he asked disbelievingly.

“I thought you might want them back,” she mumbled, a slight blush painting her cheeks. Arthur was glad. He angrily grabbed the bag from the table. 

“I thought it was an emergency Gwen! I thought-“ but he stopped himself from blurting out the deepest shameful thoughts he had been entertaining on the way over: that she had realised what a mistake she had made and wanted to beg for Arthur’s forgiveness. Because he wasn’t sure what his reaction would have been.

“I think we need closure-“ Gwen hastily tried to explain.

“Closure?!”

She shuffled in her seat once more. “Well Lance said-“

“Oh Lance said!” Arthur fumed. Gwen seemed to have realised it was perhaps uncouth to mention your current bed warmer with the guy you dumped him for and at least looked a little repentant. Arthur stared down into the bag of little objects, insignificant perhaps if looked upon from afar but together, thrown haphazardly into a fraying Bag for Life, they signified the abrupt and absolute end to a chapter in Arthur’s life that he had always assumed to be eternal. “You know what,” he spat, shoving the bag back across the table at Gwen, knocking her mug over in the progress. “Keep them.”

He pushed himself back from the table and turned his back, as she had done, to leave. 

“Arthur please-“

“Please what Guinevere?” 

“Please Arthur,” she pleaded. “I hoped we could be friends.”

“Friends?” Arthur turned back around to stare at his ex, incredulously. “You broke my heart Gwen! You cheated on me with one of my best friends, snuck around behind my back, made me look a fool! And you think we can be friends?”

Tears were trailing down Gwen’s cheeks now, her breath stuttering in her chest. Weeks ago he would have comforted her and kicked the living daylights out of whoever it was that had hurt her so. But now that was someone else’s job.

“Goodbye Gwen. Do not call me again.”

He left. He sat in his car for a good 15 minutes, willing his hands to stop shaking and willing the tears back from his eyes. When he had himself under control her drove, pressing his foot as hard as he dared to the accelerator. 

*

At some point during his drive Arthur decided that what was really sensible and needed right now was alcohol. When he walked through the doors to The Dragon he was a little disappointed to not see Merlin behind the bar, until he remembered it had been her night off and she had planned to spend it sweating in Arthur’s bed. He swallowed down the lump of guilt that reared in his throat; it didn’t go away so he ordered a shot of Sambuca and a Corona to ease its passage.

Arthur passed the state of tipsy, drunk and hammered and just kept on going. When Gilli causally mentioned that he may want to slow down Arthur glared and the boy had cowered, handing over his Vodka and Coke and scarpering off to another customer. 

At some point Arthur’s head, blissfully cloudy and empty, had fallen from its perch on his shoulders and rested its heavy weight on the sticky bar. 

He closed his eyes and at must have fallen into some kind of doze because the next thing he was aware of was a slim hand shaking his shoulder and voices.

“Sorry Merls,” a male voice spoke. “but I didn’t know who else to call.”

“It’s alright Gilli, you finish shutting up and I’ll get him out of your hair.”

Arthur’s arm was pulled from his lap and around slim shoulders and he was yanked roughly to standing. The world lurched dangerously around him and his stomach gurgled dangerously. 

A sharp elbow hit him painfully in his ribs. “You can throw up when we get outside; Gilli’s just cleaned the floor.”

Arthur obeyed but then did let his stomach spew as soon as the cool night hair hit his face. There wasn’t much finesse or aim in his expulsion and he felt liquid seeping into his shoes.

“Lovely,” his escort mumbled, pulling him along. Hands fumbled in his pockets and he belatedly thought to fight off his attacker, waving a drunken arm before him.

“Stop it you Prat, I’m trying to find your keys.”

Soon there was a sound of jangling and a car door opened and then he was sat, against a very comfy leather seat. He still felt a little sick but sleep sounded like a much better idea and he let his head fall back against the cool window.

*

Arthur woke in the morning and immediately wanted to die. His head pounded behind his eyes with ferocity and his mouth tasted like that awful morning after mix of stale beer and vomit.

He groaned trying to force himself back into sleep but it was no good, he felt too awful.

“Drink this.” A mug was pushed into his hands Arthur blindly brought his head up sipping at the contents, moaning and taking a bigger gulp when he recognised its contents as water, sweet precious water. 

“Take these.” Pills were then pushed into his hands. Gratefully he threw them to the back of his throat and swallowed them down with the last of his water. The empty mug was taken from his hands and he fell back into the pillows.

Now more awake and coherent Arthur realised that this was not his bed, or any bed he was familiar with. It was lumpy in all the wrong places and his feet stuck off the end of the divan and the sheets smelt different, woody, like incense  
.  
Belatedly he also remembered that he was not alone. Opening his eyes cautiously he was glad to find that the thin curtains covering the one small window were still drawn, basking the tight interior in a warm reddish glow. The small space was cluttered with books and clothes with a cramped desk nearly completely covered in papers against one wall and a small wardrobe against the other. And sat in the small space in between, on an old office chair was...

“Merlin?”

She glanced up at Arthur over the rim of the breakfast bowl balancing on her up tucked knees through thick rimmed glasses. Her hair was in a wonderful display of disarray, sticking up in all directions, but her face fresh and clean, white like porcelain. 

“So you’ve decided to join the land of the living,” she quipped glancing back down to the text on her desk, turning a page.

“God,” Arthur groaned when he realised this wasn’t some strange awful hallucination. “Where am I?”

“My place,” she murmured, slurping the rest of her milk from the bowl and placing it atop a teetering pile of lever arch files. Merlin stood revealing her checked PJ bottoms and grey t-shirt, complete with stretched out neck line and coffee stains.

She grabbed Arthur’s empty mug and disappeared behind a door to the left, quickly returning and pushing the now refilled mug into Arthur’s hands.

“Drink more,” she ordered, going back to her seat. 

Arthur whined but obeyed, watching Merlin overtly over the rim. It was odd to see her in her natural habitat, surrounded by her own things and life, clearly at ease.

Looking at the state of the room, the order that she usually applied to the glass racks at the pub obviously did not transfer to her home space and the books around him weren’t standard fare either: University level texts on Medicine, History, Law, Maths, Physics… not one the same. 

“Are you studying?” he asked, in lieu of anything else to say.

“Not right now,” she replied, a little coldly, flipping another page. Arthur remembered then, last night and how it all began and felt his shame paint a small blush on his cheeks. “But I like to learn,” she shrugged.

Arthur leant back into the pillows and picked up the thick text on the bedside table. The cover led him to believe it was a text in Japanese but there didn’t seem to be an English word in there. 

The swirling, incomprehensible text did nothing for his banging head and he quickly shut it. “Do you understand all this?” he asked waving a hand around the Particle Physics text books and old texts on Old English Myths.

“Yeah,” Merlin replied still not looking up from the text. 

It was odd; Arthur hadn’t realised until that point how much he looked at Merlin’s eyes when she talked, normally it was someone’s lips, or if they were further away the general direction of their face. But with Merlin he always looked in her eyes which were now hidden, shadowed by her black lashes.

“Wow,” he murmured trying to infuse every word he spoke with the fervent apology in his heart. “Maybe you should be studying, you’re obviously very smart.”

“It’s expensive. I’m trying to save up though.” 

Arthur stared into the side of Merlin’s head begging her to just accept the pleading apology he was trying to send with his eyes, but it would never work if she didn’t look at him. Again, seeming to read his thoughts, she glanced up him, her blue eyes locking with his own for a moment. Then she sighed and her shoulders dropped from the defensive position they had been in. “I want to study medicine, but the research side. Not with patients.”

“Why not?” Arthur asked, shifting in his bed. “You are good with people.”

“I suppose but…” Merlin sighed and twisted her chair to look at Arthur more fully, one knee still hugged up to her chest. “I did a few weeks work in a lab once for a medical Research team. They were developing a new drug to treat people with ALS and it just seemed like they were doing real work that will make a difference. And that’s what I want, a job that matters, where what I do matters.”

Arthur was taken aback a little at the passion in her tone. All Arthur’s friends did their jobs because that is just what they did, whether they chose to do it or fell into their jobs after uni, they all enjoyed their work but none had that drive and passion that was so clearly shining from Merlin’s large eyes.

“I have no doubt that you will succeed in whatever you put your mind to.”

Merlin scoffed turning back to her desk. “Now you sound like my year eleven Careers councillor,” she jibbed but her voice was warm like it was whenever she was mocking Arthur or his friends and she shot Arthur a small cheeky smile. “Just let me know when you’re going to be stable enough to let me drive you home.”

Arthur smiled and felt his shoulders ease. He knew he had been forgiven, at least mostly. That was the great thing about Merlin; he had seen it with rowdy customers at the pub that always came back the day after, hat in hand. If Merlin truly believed you were sorry then she would forgive you. And that was that. But it also made it all the more of a crime to hurt her.

Merlin drove Arthur’s car back to his house arguing that Arthur would still be way over the limit after the amount he had drunk last night. Arthur had to close his eyes against Merlin’s driving, wincing whenever she slammed on the breaks. But his misdemeanour of the night before was still too fresh for him to scold her driving skills when she was doing him a favour. 

Arthur had his mind firmly set on ordering a pizza for lunch at his earliest possible chance when they pulled into his drive, Merlin handing back his keys. 

“At least let me order you a taxi,” Arthur argued when he realised that Merlin had driven him here, so would be getting the bus back home.

“Don’t be stupid Arthur, I need to grab a few bits in town anyway and I might take a walk. It’s a nice day,” she sighed up at the sky barring her neck before giving Arthur a dorky wave. Arthur watched her walk away a few steps calling out just before she left the driveway.

“Merlin!” She turned and eyed him questionably. “I really am-“

“It’s alright Arthur,” she murmured, a sad twitch to her mouth. “I get it I do. Just – “ Merlin sighed running a hand through her cropped hair. “Don’t do things because of other people. Just do them because you want to do them. So if Gwen calls or texts and you want to go to her then yeah, go. But don’t just go because she called.”

Merlin looked at him imploringly, begging him to understand the haphazard advice she had just bestowed upon him. Perhaps it was a sign that he had spent too much time with her because he understood what she was saying completely. He gave her a smile and a nod and watched her long legs leave.

*

Arthur missed drinks that Friday after being summoned to his fathers for dinner. Uther broke out the best scotch and didn’t bother him about work once. It was as close to comfort as Uther Pendragon got, and Arthur loved him for it.

He had an excellent week at work and it flew by so when he ploughed into Dragons the next Friday night he was feeling good. 

Merlin was behind the bar as usual and he responded to her sultry smile with a wink before joining Gwaine and Percival’s heated debate over the weeks abysmal England match. 

At the first call for another round Arthur sauntered to the bar, thieving a dry flower from one the vase on the bar.

“For you my Lady,” he murmured, presenting the fake daisy to Merlin with a bowed head.

Merlin chuckled but accepted his humble gift twirling the stem between her fingers. “What is this in aid of?”

“A beautiful flower for a beautiful woman.”

Merlin scoffed but a lovely pink blush stained her cheeks making Arthur grin even more. “What’s with you tonight?” she asked but tucked the flower behind her ear.

“I dunno. Just feeling good,” Arthur replied leaning forward over the bar. “I could feel better later though.”

“Oh really?” Merlin leaned forward, mirroring his pose.

“What time do you get off?”

“Well that all depends on you Mr Pendragon,” she responded cheekily with a wink. Arthur let his head fall back in a laugh and accepted his tray of drinks giving Merlin one last long look.

They did it on the back of his car that night, like teenagers, Merlin giggling away beneath him the whole time, snorting when he hit his head on the roof. 

Arthur pressed his hand against the window above Merlin’s head trying to get a good rhythm going, leaving a large handprint in the condensation. That had sent Merlin off babbling Titanic lines until Arthur gave her nipple a tweak in retaliation. His resulting chuckle turned into a moan when she grabbed his arse, pulling him into her deeper.

He dropped Merlin off at her door and gave her a sloppy kiss goodbye. 

“I’d better get inside,” she murmured against his lips. “Before my parents come out here, it’s past my curfew and I can’t get grounded before prom!” Merlin mock gasped, pulling away.

Arthur rolled his eyes and swiped at her arse as she escaped, sticking her tongue out at him over her shoulder before disappearing into the building. 

Arthur pulled away and didn’t stop grinning for the rest of the night.   
*  
When Arthur arrived at the pub that Friday night Merlin wasn’t there, instead a small brown haired woman called Georgie stood in her place, but it wasn’t unknown for Merlin to have a night off so Arthur shrugged and carried on with his night. But when he was busily typing up a report that Tuesday and his phone rang, the last person he ever expected on the other end was Merlin.

“Hey,” the feminine voice sounded in his ear. Arthur frowned at the phone and put the phone back to his ear. 

“Merlin?” 

“Yeah. It’s me,” she sighed. “How are you?”

“Umm,” he mumbled leaning back from his desk. “I’m alright you?”

“Yeah,” she murmured back, something about her voice made Arthur frown. “Hey, are you free. I’m just down the road from where you said your office was. Thought you might want a coffee break?”

Arthur looked at the clock and realised he had worked all the way through lunch again. “Actually yeah,” he said with surprise. “I could do with some fresh air. Meet me by the park?”

Merlin was leaning against the gatepost to the park when Arthur turned the corner a few minutes later. Arthur realised that he had never purposefully met Merlin in the daylight before. She didn’t look that different; same tight jeans, same graphic tee, a ratty scarf wrapped around her neck. She looked pale though, and tired. But when she noticed his arrival a smile crossed her face and she held out a steaming paper cup.

“Thanks,” Arthur mumbled taking a sip of the strong black coffee.

They stood there for a few moments until Merlin blinked and nodded to the park. “You wanna walk?”

They set off on a slow meander, awkwardly silent at first. Arthur didn’t know if was the oddness of just meeting up for coffee mid-day like two normal friends or people that were dating, or if it was Merlin’s odd mood because her eyes were glued to the pavement with every step, apart from when she thought Arthur wasn’t looking when she would shoot him timid looks she thought were discrete.

“So…” Arthur began when he couldn’t take the quiet anymore. “How did even get my number?”

That at least made Merlin snort a little. “When I had to drag your paralytic arse home from Dragons that night I had to use your phone to call mine ‘cause I couldn’t find it and saved the number. Thought it might come in useful one day.”

“Well,” Arthur lifted his paper cup to her. “It certainly did today. I would have probably worked through until they started turning the lights off around me if you hadn’t called. Didn’t realise it was so late.”

Merlin smiled at him fondly and went back to her cup, taking little sips. 

“What were you doing round here anyway?” Arthur asked after a little while.

“There’s a second hand book store down the road.”

“Get anything?” Arthur asked inanely considering Merlin had no bags on her. Strangely she didn’t pick up on the superb moment to mock him instead just shrugged.

“They didn’t have what I was looking for.”

Arthur frowned at the woman beside him, oddly silent and oddly morose. Shoulders tense like they carried the weight of a world. “Merlin, are you alright?”

“What?” Merlin blinked up from her half way gaze into nothing. They had stopped now on the path, Arthur turned to look at Merlin properly.

“You are strangely quiet. It’s odd, I’ve become quite used to your prattle.”

Merlin laughed at Arthurs go at levity but it was brittle, and weak. His concern growing, Arthur stepped forward, placing a comforting hand on her angular shoulder.

“Merlin, what’s wrong?”

Merlin looked up at him, her eyes wide and watery and opened her mouth. 

A shrill ringing of a bicycle bell sounded and Arthur pulled Merlin out of the way just in time before a shrieking child that should have been in school whizzed past them on a bike.

“Bloody kids,” Arthur murmured, running and hand up and down Merlin’s arm staring after the tearaway tot.

“Do you not like kids?” Merlin asked timidly.

“I accept that they must exist,” Arthur sighed, drawing Merlin to sit with him on a bench, “for the further existence of the species. But I just wish they existed far away from me.”

“Do you,” Merlin swallowed, staring intently at Arthur, “do you not think you would want kids of your own?”

“No,” Arthur replied easily. “I’ve never wanted kids. I think that was one of the reasons Gwen and I ended like we did. I know she wanted children and wanted them sooner rather than later and I didn’t.”

“Just like that?” Merlin asked her eyes oddly pleading. “You just would never have children?”

“I like my job, and I like my life. I don’t like change or unpredictability and children are rife with all of that. They’re sticky and clumsy and drooling.” Arthur shuddered for effect. “Yes, I can categorically say, just like that, that I never want children.”

Merlin seemed to deflate by his side. “Right,” she mumbled to her paper cup. She took a deep breath and drew herself up, as if preparing for a battle. “Right.”

Arthur opened his mouth, to ask if she would be at work tonight; he had a chicken in his fridge that needed to be eaten and he wouldn’t be able to eat it all to himself. But then Merlin was standing, throwing her still full cup into the bin.

“Right well I’d better go. I’ll let you get back to work.”

“Merlin wait!“ Arthur called when she abruptly turned to leave. “What… Will you be at Dragons Friday?”

“Probably not,” she shrugged easily. “I have something I have to do, but you boys have a good night. I’ll make sure Gilli is nice to you.”

“Alright then,” Arthur murmured frowning at her. There was something not right going on here. “So I’ll see you next week then?”

She didn’t answer but gave Arthur a sad smile. “Bye Arthur,” she replied and turned quickly left, leaving Arthur alone on the bench with his now cold coffee.

*

As expected, Merlin wasn’t behind he bar that Friday night. Arthur had been expecting it but still felt the curl of disappointment in his gut when he saw Gilli’s round face frowning back at him from behind the beer taps. He bought the rounds with perfunctory chat with the barman and played pool with the boys the rest of the night, going home alone and falling straight into a drunken sleep.

But when Arthur walked through the doors to Dragon the week after Merlin wasn’t there again. He ignored the stab of worry in his heart and listened to Leon bemoan his new manager and plied the bloke with tequila until they had to carry him home.

It was the third Friday in a row, faced with the possibility of turning up at Dragons again and the bar missing his favourite bar maid, that Arthur broke down, swallowed his pride and called her... Only to be told by the automated message that the number was no longer in service. He frowned at his phone and tried again but got the same message.

He left work earlier than normal, there was no particular reason, he told himself, he just happened to fire off his emails particularly fast that day and felt he deserved a quiet pint before the guys showed up… that was all

He walked through the doors to Dragons at a brisk pace, for once the first one there. When he noticed Gilli behind the bar his heart sank oddly in his chest but then noticed he barman was talking to someone in the kitchen, someone just out of sight. Arthur’s smile grew and his shoulders lost the tension he hadn’t known they were carrying as he walked to the bar, a witty quip on the end of his tongue about who was avoiding who now. But when the figure emerged it wasn’t the tall, angular, sensuous body of Merlin carrying the clean glass tray, but a shorter figure, petite with thick brown hair pulled away from her face in a neat ponytail… Georgie.

Arthur watched her movements, as she put the glasses away, in the wrong places. He almost wanted to warn the girl that Merlin would go spare if she saw that.

“Arthur, what can I get you?”

Arthur blinked back front and centre when Gilli popped up in front of him, but instead of a drinks order that he should be requesting, instead what came out of his mouth was: “where’s Merlin?”

Gilli raised an eyebrow at the urgent tone but shrugged easily. “She left.”

“Left?” 

“Yup, handed in her notice a couple of weeks ago and left. Moved back home I think, to be near her mother.”

“What…” Arthur blinked. “Why?”

“I don’t know mate, you were the one banging her shouldn’t you know.” 

Arthur was taken aback by the bitterness in Gilli’s tone and watched as the barman walked away, ready to serve the next customer.

The night passed a blur of colours and noises, all happened outside and around Arthur in the centre of its whirlwind. Apparently Georgie was now taking over the Friday shift… she poured her pints perfectly, no run off from the sides, her Guinness pints had the exact percentage of head and she refused to respond to Gwaine’s flirting: The perfect barmaid. But to Arthur it just felt as thought something was missing. 

 

… Almost five years later

Arthur grabbed Elena’s elbow as she almost went off the curb… again, and responded to the blonde’s snort of amusement at her own ineptitude with gravity with his patented eye roll and hooked her arm through his, just to make sure.

Elena patted their entwined connection and walked along happily beside him. 

A lot had changed in the past few years…and hardly anything at the same time. Arthur worked the same job, lived in the same house… had a better car though. He still had the same fantastic group of friends. Percy’s son was almost ten now and the poor bloke had another set of baby twin girls. Elyan had actually managed to secure himself a girlfriend that was not a psychopath and somehow convinced her to marry him. Leon now worked for Arthur, so no longer complained about his boss, or perhaps he just did it far away from Arthur’s ear range. Gwaine was…. Still Gwaine, but no one had really expected that to change at any point. 

And now there was Elena, a failed blind date on his father’s part. 

At some indeterminate point Uther had decided it was time for Arthur to move on from the ‘hussy that broke his heart’, Arthur had choked on his wine at the shock of hearing Uther refer to Gwen in such a way and his attempts to dislodge the liquid from his throat were deemed as agreement to be set up with one of Uther’s friends daughters. 

The restaurant Arthur had been instructed to go to was unbelievably posh and overly priced. He had been forced into a suit and was missing England’s World Cup Qualifier against the Ukraine, so he was not in the best of moods. 

 

But when the, admittedly very beautiful, woman opposite him split wine over the table he could do nothing more than throw his head back and laugh and suggest they move the date to the sports bar across the street. 

They had been great friends ever since. 

And they still had their Friday Night drinks, still at the White Dragon, just now with the added company of Elena and sometimes without the company of Percival when his wife demanded his assistance with the three children he helped create.

Arthur pushed open the door, ushering Elena in ahead of him out of the cold. He laughed at something Elena said, drawing his jacket off his shoulders and then stopped.

Gaius was stood behind the bar chatting and smiling fondly with the patron perched on the bar stool. Arthur followed his eyesight up the long, long legs, clad in skin tight denim just as he remembered, a plain red t-shirt following easily over the narrow waist, up a long exposed neck to a mess of black cropped hair. 

“Arthur,” Elena huffed, shoving at Arthur where he had stopped in the entrance. “You’re blocking the way, move your arse over.”

At Elena’s call the head snapped around, and large blue eyes locked with Arthur’s, his shock mirrored in their orbs.

“Merlin?” he whispered, drawing his eyes back to look at the whole picture. Exactly the same as she had looked four odd years ago, it was like going back in time.

“Um…” Merlin murmured before raising a hand in an awkward wave. “Hi Arthur.”

“God, Merlin!” Arthur laughed his feet moving forward of his own accord. In three steps he was in front of her as she stood to great him and he pulled her into a hug. He felt her breathe out a startled breath beneath his hands but he just chuckled again and held her at arm’s length. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh,” she mumbled, scratching at her forehead. “I’m kind of… back…”

Arthur’s exclamation of gladness was interrupted as he was barrelled out of the way by Gwaine shouting an exuberant “Merlin!” and sweeping the girl literally off her feet, pressing a sloppy, bristled kiss to her cheek. 

“Merlin my Love,” Gwaine crooned, leaving his heavy arm around Merlin’s shoulders. “Please tell me you’ve come to rescue us from these awful bar staff; it has been dreadfully dull without your gleaming smile brightening up my weekends. No offence Gaius,” he tacked on the end with a wink in the proprietors direction

Merlin smiled at Gwaine with the same mixture of fondness, amusement and exasperation as she had done those years past, even as she poked him in the ribs to dislodge his arm from around her.

“Merlin and Rae are staying with me and Alice upstairs,” Gaius explained a small happy smile. “And yes she will be doing some shifts,” Gaius conceded with an eye roll in Gwaine’s direction.

“Merlin and Ray eh?” Gwaine leered. “Gaius you’ve been holding out on me old man. If I’d known there was a shag pad available upstairs I would have had it occupied often.”

“It’s not a shag pad you oaf,” Merlin chuckled poking at Gwaine again.

Gaius raised an unimpressed eyebrow at Gwaine. “Rae is Merlin’s daughter.”

Arthur had been watching the to and fro with the amusement of watching two tennis pros causally batting a ball back and forth but that word seemed to punch through his attention like a shot. Daughter? Merlin had a Daughter? His feet shifted back slightly under the blow and Merlin’s blue eyes snapped over to him like magnets, oddly wide and fearful.

But, Arthur chastised himself; many years had gone by. Merlin could have had time to get married and have a whole bunch of kids in the time. Arthur swallowed past the dull ache of disappointment unfurling in his chest.

“Wow Merlin,” Gwaine whistled. “It seems we have some catching up to do. Come join us tonight.”

Merlin’s eyes were still fixed, wide, on Arthurs as she mumbled, “Oh, I don’t know-“

“Nonsense,” Elena butted in pushing in-between Gwaine and Arthur from where Arthur had forgotten she stood. “I want to get to know that girl that obviously has these two under control.”

Merlin smiled shakily at Elena. “Well, it’s not really that difficult, I was in charge of their beer flow.”

Elena chuckled, grabbing Merlin’s elbow. “Come on, I’m Elena…”

Elena dragged Merlin by the elbow over to where Leon was now waiting, getting up and greeting Merlin with a genuine smile. 

“Who’d have thought huh?” Gwaine murmured by Arthur’s shoulder. “Merlin: a mother, all grown up.”

Arthur watched Merlin’s back, catching her eye as she skittishly kept sending glances at Arthur over her shoulder. He had to swallow before he could respond. “Um… yeah, weird.” All the while feeling like there was something that he had missed. 

*

The group laughed and grinned and Arthur leant back in his chair, a feeling of happiness and contentment flooding through him. He had a pint in his hand, his friends laughing happily around him, his arm stretched across the back of the chair next to him, feeling the warmth of its occupant’s body heat dispersing through the air to him. 

“…and he ended up on the streets, with no shoes, no money and all he could moan about was the fact she had stolen his Kebab!” Leon exclaimed, patting Gwaine on the back whilst the whole table burst out laughing at him.

“What can I say?” Gwaine shrugged easily. “I was hungry.”

“And you never learn do you?” Leon replied.

“What would be the fun in that?”

“I think it is comforting,” Merlin spoke from the chair at Arthur’s side, “that I go away for five years and you are exactly the same, even you hair is the same.” Merlin leant across the table to ruffle Gwaine hair, he leant back sharply.

“Oi,” he huffed. “Not the hair, alright?”

Merlin chortled heartily at Arthur’s side and Arthur smiled, soaking in the sound. He hadn’t realised until now just how much he had missed the bar maid, her easy personality slotting neatly back into his life felt like a breath of fresh air. 

“Well not everything is the same: Elyan’s a married man now,” Percy said, poking Elyan in the side of the head with a beefy finger. 

“Yeah I heard,” Merlin leant forward. “How did that happen?”

“I constantly ask myself that very question,” Elyan sighed morosely causing another round of chuckles. Merlin frowned, confused and sent a questioning look to Arthur. 

“Trouble in Paradise,” Arthur explained, leaning forward taking a sip of his pint. “She’s brought up the dreaded C word.”

“They’re really not that bad,” said Percy, fishing his phone out of his pocket. “These are my latest terrors.” Flicking open a picture of his little girls sat smiling on the sofa and slid the phone across to Merlin.

“Aww,” she cooed smiling at the phone. “They are the splitting image of you.”

“Poor kids,” Gwaine murmured into his pint, not quiet enough to avoid a smack round the head from Percy. 

“Sooo,” Gwaine drawled, rubbing at the battered spot on his head, “fish ‘em out. I want to see a pic of your rugrat, see if she’s inherited her mother’s ears.” That earned him another clout from Merlin who sat back in her seat and shook her head. 

“No photo’s I’m afraid,” she sighed.

“Oh come on. You must have a few snaps on your phone?” Elena enquired. 

“Not this phone.“ Merlin fished out an old brick of a Nokia from her pocket waggling it merrily above the table. “Smart phones tend to lose their shine when they get dropped down the loo. This is the safest option.”

“Another round?” Arthur asked downing the last of his pint amongst the sniggers. Murmurs of agreement flitted around him.

“I’ll help,” Merlin called, pushing back from the table.

Arthur tried not to lean too much Merlin’s body heat as they leant against the bar. It was too familiar and too easy to imagine slipping back into their long ago friendship of easy barbs and even easier touches, feeling the pull towards her still after all these years.

“So,” he asked, filling the silence between them, “is Rae’s father not in the picture?”

“Um…” Merlin fidgeted shooting Arthur an undecipherable look. “Not at the moment.”

Their drinks arrived promptly and perfectly from a stone faced Georgie who shot Merlin an unconcealed glare before moving on. Arthur and Merlin shared a look and snorted gathering up the plethora of drinks placed before them but Merlin caught Arthurs arm before he could move off with the tray.

“Hey,” she spoke hesitantly. “I need to… We should catch up. Talk without the gaggle around.”

“Yeah,” Arthur couldn’t help but smile, a little flutter of excitement at seeing Merlin again growing in his stomach, “yeah I’d like that.”

Merlin’s smile was much more hesitant, a little shaky but she nodded. “How about breakfast tomorrow? The café on the high street?”

“It’s a date,” Arthur nodded.

Merlin snorted and pushed his shoulder into moving back to the table with their drinks. Ignoring his indignant reply.

*

Arthur pulled his car up on the high street, the mists of the early morning fog still lingering down the street. Hissing, he pulled his collar closer to his cheeks and hurried forward towards the café. 

Merlin was already there waiting, her hands stuffed into the pockets of the same old battered brown leather jacket she’d had years ago. Arthur smiled faintly as he got closer, noticing the chilling red flush to her cheeks, nose and ears.

“Gosh you look freezing,” Arthur used as a greeting, smiling more at Merlin’s returning glare.

“That’s because I am.”

“Well let’s get you inside, before your ears fall off.” 

Merlin tried to elbow him without removing her hands from the warmth of her pockets but Arthur deftly dodged the pointed elbow with a smirk and led her to the door with a warm hand to the small of her back.

It was pleasantly warm inside and not overly crowded, they managed to get easily seated at a table against the wall and Arthur quickly ordered them a pot of tea. They both unwound their many layers and sat back into the rickety wooden chairs. 

An air of awkwardness fell over them then and Arthur appreciated, for the first time since seeing Merlin sat at the bar, that five years had really passed. Clearing his throat he sat forward in his chair, trying to catch Merlin’s skittish gaze.

“Gilli said you moved back to your mothers.”

Merlin seemed to startle at the fact that Arthur had actually spoken. “Um, yeah,” she murmured scratching behind her ear. “It’s a little village in the country, called Ealdor.”

Arthur nodded and accepted the pot and cups from the waitress. “What brought you back then?”

Merlin accepted the cup Arthur passed her, and took a sip. “My mother died.”

“God,” Arthur blanched, his hand automatically crossing the distance between them to rest comfortingly on Merlin’s arm. “Merlin I’m sorry-“

“No, it’s alright,” Merlin waved off, giving Arthur a sad smile. “She passed a year ago but I had to have some time, sort out her things, sell the house, I always planned on coming back to Camelot someday…”

“Well, I’m glad you did,” Arthur smiled removing his hand to cup at his teacup.

Merlin smiled back but it was quickly lost as an urgent frown marred her pale forehead. “Look Arthur-“

The shrilling jingle of Arthur’s phone startled him from the hypnotising blue of Merlin’s eyes. “Oh sorry Merlin,” Arthur murmured staring at Morgana’s name flashing across the front of his phone. “I’ve got to take this.”

Merlin sighed and rolled her eyes flopping back into her seat as if all her strings were cut. Arthur sent her an amused look but she just stuck out her tongue.

“Hello?” he chuckled into his phone tearing his eyes away from Merlin’s slouched form.

“Arthur, dear,” Morgana spoke crisply through the line. “Very sorry but I have to cancel our shopping date this afternoon.”

“Uh huh,” Arthur muttered. “You sound extremely apologetic about it.”

“It completely slipped my mind that I had a nail appointment. Much too late to cancel now. I’m sure you understand. Now TaTa,” his sister sang at him before hanging up. Arthur glared at his phone for a minute before angrily shoving the phone back in his pocket.

“Problems?” Merlin asked with a raised eyebrow over the rim of her cup.

“Well, yes and no,” Arthur sighed running a hand through his hair. “On the plus side it was my sister cancelling on our shopping trip this afternoon, on the downside that means I have to pick out our father birthday present myself.”

“Oh poor you,” Merlin mock consoled.

“Yes poor me!” Arthur replied indignantly. “Because now if he doesn’t like it all Morgana has to do is mention that I picked it out and she will immediately be off the hook.”

Merlin didn’t look at all sympathetic, instead she chortled at him taking another sip of her tea. Arthur had a sudden brain wave: “You have to help me.”

“What?”

“Please,” Arthur begged with no remorse. “You can bring Rae if you like.”

Merlin shifted and glanced at the table, almost guilty. “No,” she muttered. “Rae’s at a food fair with Alice all day.” 

“So you’re free,” Arthur exclaimed excitedly nudging Merlin’s foot under the table when she wouldn’t look up at him. “Please Merlin,” he looked up at her under his eyelashes. “I need your help, will you help me… pleeeeeease?”

“Oh stop batting your eyelashes you look like a prat,” Merlin snorted.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes,” Merlin replied reluctantly. “But I expect full reimbursement in refreshments!”

“Deal,” Arthur grinned, smiling at Merlin over the rim of his cup at he finished his tea.

*

“So I am just going to mention,” Merlin muttered as they entered the busy shopping centre, “if you hadn’t already noticed, but mine and your sister’s tastes are widely different.”

“That just means I like you better already,” Arthur murmured steering Merlin around a group of rowdy teens.

Merlin dodged a woman and her push chair and raised her eyebrows at Arthur. “I mean that I met your sister once and she is scarily glamorous, her taste is impeccable. Do you really want my help with this?”

“Yes,” Arthur huffed grabbing Merlin’s arm and dragging her through the crowds to the jeweller’s window. “What about those, do you think he would like them?”

“Another difference between me and your sister,” Merlin huffed, staring at the sparklingly array of cufflinks in the shop window, “is that I do not know your father. I met him once, got his drink order wrong and he called me a buffoon.”

“Just try, think of it as role playing. If memory serves you enjoy that,” Arthur smirked at Merlin’s reflection in the window noticing her smile and faint blush.

“Well thanks for that mental image,” she muttered before sighing and peering through the glass to where Arthur pointed. “Um,” she shrugged, “they’re nice?”

“Nice?” Arthur scoffed. “They’re £1200 cufflinks.”

“Does your dad need cufflinks?” she asked with a frown, cocking her to study the tiny gold ‘T’s sat on the velvet cushion.

“No…”

“Well why spend a ridiculous amount of money on them then?”

“God!” Arthur groaned leaning his head against the cool glass. “This place is a circus; I’m never going to get him a present. I should just get him gift vouchers and prepare for the disapproving looks.”

A warm hand came to rest gently on Arthur’s back, rubbing in soothing motions. 

“Look Arthur,” Merlin sighed, “buying a gift is not too hard.”

Arthur blinked one eye open where he still rested and sent Merlin a glare. “If you knew my father you would know it really is.”

“No, every gift, no matter who it is for, should just be something that they would never think to buy for themselves. That is why buying flowers is always easy; it’s something a girl wouldn’t buy for herself but they are pretty and smell nice and they are appreciated.”

Arthur smiled, leaning into the hand still moving on his back. “Is that a hint to buy you flowers?”

Merlin snorted and grabbed his elbow wordlessly, pulling him away from the window. “What did you do last time you saw your father?”

“We had dinner,” Arthur frowned thinking back, “talked business, politics, same as normal.”

“What did you do after the meal?”

“We had a glass of scotch?” Arthur shrugged. “Um... we watched a bit of the Bond channel, the Sean Connery one.”

Merlin frowned in contemplation. “Did your father seem to enjoy it?”

“Yeah… yeah he did.”

“Well that’s it then,” Merlin exclaimed with a smile.

Arthur just looked back confused as to what exactly ‘it’ was. Merlin rolled her eyes and gave Arthur a tug, dragging him into the nearest HMV.

*

Arthur emerged from the shopping centre with a Bond DVD box set and an expensive bottle of red wine.

Promising Merlin the reimbursement she had demanded Arthur opened the door to his car and ushered her inside, driving down the lanes on the outskirts of town until they came to a small gastro pub. 

The atmosphere inside was full but quiet, the couples on the tables scattered throughout the dimly lit space all talking in murmurs across their meals. 

Merlin looked down self-consciously at her ratted t-shirt, giving it an embarrassed tug before Arthur rolled his eyes and led her to the table. 

Their meal was fairly quiet but Arthur caught Merlin sending him glances over the table throughout, each time igniting something long dismissed in his gut. But he just smiled and sipped his coke and let his foot rest innocently against the instep of Merlin’s converse.

Merlin was silent on the journey home, her face pinched and distracted, staring out of the blurring greenery as they sped back into town. Arthur assumed she was thinking of her daughter. Percival’s wife had panic attacks after a morning away from her girls, it must be a mother thing.

Arthur pulled up on the dark high street, quickly rounding the car to open the door for Merlin, ignoring her raised eyebrow. 

“Well…” she murmured. “I had a good time. Thank You Arthur.” She smiled, backing away seemingly reluctant before turning. 

But her pace faltered slightly and she turned to stare at Arthur with bemusement as he walked beside her down the alleyway. “What are you doing?”

“Walking you home,” Arthur replied. 

She snorted and shot him a fond smile. “Because you are such a gentleman?”

Merlin led them passed the entrance to the Dragon, the murmurs of the Saturday night drinkers passing them and further into the dark of the alley.

“Of course,” Arthur spoke lowly. “Always the consummate gentleman I am.”

“Really?” Merlin grinned, pausing by a small wooden door hidden amongst the brickwork. “Because, in the majority of my memories of you, you were always rather… un-gentlemanly to put it broadly.”

It could have been an insult but Arthur watched the cheeky smile tilt at Merlin’s lips, a memory of her dimples just showing on her cheeks. Arthur swallowed but didn’t reply. He hadn’t been a gentleman when it came to Merlin. He had been heartbroken and a mess and had taken what comfort she freely gave him without thought for her own feelings. 

Even now, going on five years later with a few stable relationships under his belt, he realised he had never quite forgotten the obstinate, cheeky barmaid that had helped begin to heal his broken heart. 

It felt to him as thought the world were giving him a second chance somehow, so when Merlin nervously asked him if he would like some coffee, twisting her keys through her hands, he settled a stilling hand onto the reddening knuckles and replied “yes.”

*

Arthur followed the long line of Merlin’s body up a narrow set of stairs to a second door. Merlin had to apply a liberal amount of shoulder force to it before it swung open but then she ushered him inside. A large living space spread out around him, a kitchen hatch and open archway to the kitchen, a small round dining table and a brown, suspect sofa, which Merlin shoved him down into before disappearing into the kitchen. 

He heard her pottering, grabbing cups and jars, occasionally muttering a curse that Arthur couldn’t help but crack a smile at. 

“It’s a lot tidier than your last place,” Arthur murmured, accepting the steaming mug Merlin pushed his way and looking around the room.

Merlin sat beside him, curling her leg underneath her as she settled down into the sofa. “That’s because we haven’t unpacked yet,” she chuckled. 

Arthur was distracted by the pale little toes he could see poking out from under her thigh where she had obviously taken off her converse and socks. The toes wriggled helplessly where they were trapped. Arthur had never considered himself to have any kinks, he liked whatever felt good, but he was quickly thinking he could develop a thing for Merlin’s feet. They mirrored the rest of her, long and pale. He watched the other foot, dangling off the sofa as it absently twisted at the ankle back and forth. 

“Gaius and Alice have that room there,” Merlin was continuing, gesturing to a closed door off to the side. “Me and Rae have the loft room. It’s a bit drab right now but I’m sure I can spruce it up.”

 

She shrugged and smiled, leaning back into the sofa cushions. This was Merlin ‘at home’ Arthur realised. Here she always looked softer, warmer, more relaxed, not caring that her movements had rucked up the back of her t-shirt, exposing a tantalising slither of skin.

But then Merlin squirmed and cleared her throat and the soft was gone. She stared back at Arthur intently, nervously and set her mug on the coffee table.

“So,” she began leaning forward towards Arthur.

Arthur smiled and copied her pose. “So?”

“Stop that,” she ordered but the amused tilt to her lips betrayed her.

“Stop what?”

“That,” Merlin chuckled, “the flirting, I asked you up here a reason.”

“I was hoping you had,” Arthur leered cheekily. 

“Stop Arthur, I’m serious,” Merlin reprimanded, trying to smother a smile, swatting Arthur playfully on the leg. But Arthur just watched with a smile as the blush crept further up her cheeks painting them rosy. 

“Sorry,” he murmured. “I’m paying attention now, really.” To prove his point Arthur turned, mirroring Merlin’s pose on the sofa so they faced on another. 

“The reason I left Arthur-“ she started blinking her gaze down to her hands, picking anxiously at her thumb nail. “There are things... things are different now-“

“Merlin,” Arthur spoke softly laying his hand over her fretting ones, waiting until her blue eyes lifted to look at him. “I’m up here.”

“Well I know that,” Merlin huffed flicking Arthur’s hands away. “You know, at some point we are going to have to discuss your disregard of personal boundaries.”

Arthur snorted, lowering his chin and staring at the warm point where the edges of their knees touched. “Yes, now I remember why I liked you.”

Glancing back up Merlin was looked at him wide eyed and nervous. She swallowed a few times before she managed to get out: “You forgot?”

Arthur looked at her for a moment, just her face, the elegant beauty of it, the stark contrast between the dark hair and pale skin, and the inherent peace Arthur seemed to find when he looked upon it. 

“No,” he murmured lowly. 

His hand reached out brushing lightly against the smooth line of Merlin’s jaw and revelled in the gasp of breath she took. His hand curled around the back of Merlin’s head slowly, pulling them towards each other, Arthur’s eyes firmly fixed on the lush fullness of her lips. 

When they finally touched it was just as Arthur had remembered, their lips fitting together neatly and fully, merlin’s pillowed lips giving under his, surrounding his bottom lip. She made a desperate, needing noise low in her throat, the vibrations going straight down Arthur’s spine. 

He pushed forward further, Merlin going willingly to lean back against the arm of the sofa. He could feel the soft curves of her body beneath him, pushing up into his giving him multiple points of contact for his nerves to fry over. 

Arthur’s hand fisted tighter in Merlin’s hair, his lips and tongue pushed forward, just wanting more, more taste of her, he just couldn’t get enough. He couldn’t believe it had been almost five years since he had kissed her, because it felt like yesterday. 

Merlin’s hand clutched tightly at the back of his T-shirt pulling at it urgently to get a long cool hand underneath to his heated skin. Arthur groaned and moved his lips down kissing at the gorgeous skin layering Merlin’s neck, feeling her pulse beat widely beneath his lips-

Abruptly his body was thrown back and Merlin had scrambled up from beneath him. Arthur barley had two moments to collect himself and for his body to catch up before the apartment door was swung open.

“Mummy!”

Arthur watched as Merlin’s face opened in a true loving smile as a short little creature ran behind the coach and was swept up in Merlin’s arms. A small cough drew Arthur’s eyes back to the door where Alice was regarding him with a raised eyebrow and pursed mouth. Belatedly he tried to flatten down his hair and will the excited flush from his cheeks, giving the older woman an awkward wave.

“Hello Alice.”

The woman humpfed and trudged into the kitchen, hauling a large tote bag. 

Turning back in his seat Arthur almost jumped when he found large blue eyes staring back at him. 

“Hello,” A high voice greeted him. 

And Arthur blinked again and frowned. The little girl stood before him considered him with an open expression. Her hair was blonde, very blond, almost white, and it framed around his face in wavy lines. Her skin was pale, but her cheeks rosy and healthy. Her eyes were a blue and large like her mothers. But the whole package... Arthur cocked his head to the side and considered the little girl… it was awfully familiar. Then she smiled at him. 

It was daunting; the craziest, wildest parts of Arthur’s imagination could never have conceived it. But Arthur’s eyes widened as he stared at the little child before him. 

There was a picture of him in his father’s study. It was of Arthur on Brighton beach aged about 5, he was wearing little shorts and a blue striped t-shirt and he was grinning happily back up at his father behind the camera, brandishing a spade. And this little girl, this child, was the splitting image of that picture. 

Her hair may be longer, her face more feminine, but the similarities… there was just no way…

“Arthur.”

Arthur head snapped away from the girl who looked like his clone to Merlin, who stood wide eyed at the end of the sofa. Arthur didn’t want to believe it, hardly could believe it, but Merlin’s expression of guilt and fear said it all.

“God,” Arthur whispered, dreadful comprehension dawning. “Please tell me that’s not-“

Merlin swallowed and took an aborted step forward. “Arthur, I can explain-“

“I’m Rae,” the little girl interrupted. Arthur looked back down to her in terror, every synapse in his brain firing to just make this stop. Everything had been wonderful until about two minutes ago and now his world felt titled, unreal. He stood jerkily from the sofa, rounding its back to put some physical distance between himself and the child, and most importantly Merlin. 

He heard Merlin’s voice calling to him: “Arthur, please, wait”, but he couldn’t breathe and the door shit behind him as he fled. 

*

Arthur spilled out into the damp alley way and took a breath, and then another, and the world was still screwed. He had only taken a few hurried, stumbling steps to freedom when he heard the creaking door bang open behind him. 

“Arthur,” Merlin panted stumbling behind him. “Please wait, let me explain-“

“Explain?” Arthur thundered whirling around. Merlin startled back and looked upon him with hide frightened eyes. At another time he may have cared, another time he may have noticed, but now his mind was seething, his blood was boiling and his hands were shaking and he wasn’t even entirely sure what was going on. “Explain how you buggered off five years ago, with no explanation, no notice and then swan back here with my-“ Arthur stumbled on the next words, not even daring to say them out loud. 

“Her name’s Rae,” Merlin stepped forward, her eyes pleading. “She’s four, she-“

“No Merlin!” Arthur choked backing away. “You don’t get to do this. You just left! You just up and left. I didn’t hear from you, no one did. It was like you forgot we even existed-“

“I never forgot you Arthur,” she whispered. Arthur could see now the tears filling her eyes clinging to the bottoms of her thick lashes. “God, every time I look at her I see you… I called her… Rae, it’s short for Ygraine.”

Arthur choked on nothing in his throat at the name, reaching out a hand to the grimy wall for support. 

“I heard you talk about your mother once,” Merlin continued, “and… just the way you described her to me; this woman you had never met but loved… I wanted to pass some of that onto Rae…”

“Why are you here?” Arthur spat out lunging forward, ignoring Merlin’s flinch. “Why did you even bother coming back after all this time? What is it? You need money? You need a hand out form the man you screwed over? Or did she finally begin to ask where the hell her father was?”

“I came back because I wanted her to know you!” Merlin shouted back, fearfully backing away from Arthur raging temper. 

“If you wanted that then why the hell did you leave?!”

“I was a kid Arthur!” Merlin cried, tears streaming freely down her cheeks now. “I was young and afraid and pregnant, by a guy who had made it clear what was between us was nothing more than sex, and you were still hung up on Gwen and… God I panicked OK Arthur, and I ran home to my mother.”

Arthur swallowed down his urge to hit something and concentrated on breathing, cool air in and out, and let Merlin’s voice wash through his ears. 

“I was always going to come back, I swear, once I got my head around it the first thing on my mind was telling you, but then my mother got sick, and I had my hands full with a new baby and looking after her…” Merlin trailed off staring at Arthur with wide pleading eyes. 

“I came back as soon as I could. I planned to find you as soon as I could, I didn’t even know you still drank at the Dragon, though considering your distaste for change I should have known better.” Merlin forced out on a chuckle but it tapered off at Arthur’s unmoving stony stare. 

“I wanted to Arthur,” she spoke more quietly, still wretchedly. “It was all I could think about, this huge anvil hanging over my head, but last night everyone was there. And I couldn’t just blurt it out in the middle of the pub, so today… but I kept chickening out because I knew you would react, well,” she huffed, “exactly like this…”

“So you just kept stringing me along?” Arthur grit out through his clenched jaw. 

Merlin shook her head sadly. “I wasn’t stringing you along.”

“Well I feel pretty strung up,” Arthur muttered, running a hand through his hair. His mind was a huge webbed mess of panic and confusion and fear and anger. He took a deep breath. “Look, I just… I can’t be around you right now. I- I’ll call you.”

Arthur turned and hurriedly left the alley, seeing the dejected slump of Merlin’s form in the house light, still stood in the damp alley as he made his escape. 

*

Arthur drove his car on autopilot, the houses and fields and roads and signs passing him by in a blur. When he arrived at his destination he couldn’t have told you how he got there but he did and he walked mechanically up to the front door and watched as his fist came out before him knocking against the heavy wooden door. 

When the door before him opened up Uther’s shocked face was staring back at him, quickly forming into barely disguised worry as the man surveyed his son before him. 

“Arthur? What the hell happened?

Arthur swallowed a few times before he could get the words to form in his mouth, the ones that once formed, could never be unsaid and would be out there in the world.

“I’m a father.”

Uther, bless him, just took a deep breath. “Alright,” he sighed, gripping his son’s arm in comfort, dragging Arthur bodily into the house. 

Nothing more was said as Arthur was ushered into the den, sat down on the leather sofa and a glass of something thrust into his hands. 

“So,” Uther spoke as he positioned himself gingerly at the end of the sofa, “who is the woman?”

“An old friend,” Arthur managed to croak out, taking a large sip of his drink, feeling slightly disappointed to find it was only water. “A bar maid at the dragon.”

“Are you sure it is yours?”

“What?” Arthur blinked in confusion at his father. Wasn’t it obvious to the whole human planet that Rae was his. 

“The child,” Uther spoke quietly. “I know it may be unpleasant but there are tests that can be done, to ensure-“

“No,” Arthur waved a distracted hand. “No she’s mine, trust me, she’s mine.”

“You know it’s a girl already?” Uther asked with eyebrow aloft. “It is that far along?”

“No. No, father,” Arthur shook his head. “She was... Merlin was a friend… who helped me forget after Gwen. She’s four, my daughter.” Arthur sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Four or five. My brain can’t really handle the maths right now.” 

Uther shifted in his seat but otherwise didn’t show any other outward signs of surprise. “What is her name?” he asked cautiously. 

“Merlin calls her Rae… It’s short for Ygraine,” Arthur replied just as cautiously but he still heard his fathers stuttered breath. He could feel the tears building up behind his eyes and pushed his palms against his eye sockets to stave off the waterworks. “God,” Arthur groaned into the blotched darkness he was creating. “I’ve just missed four years of her life. Just gone because Merlin was too much of a coward to bother to tell me.”

“You have every right to feel angry Arthur,” Uther spoke lowly beside him, “and cheated. But I can’t imagine this was easy for the girl, raising a child on her own at a young age.”

Arthur snapped his head up to stare incredulously at his father. “She wouldn’t have to have been alone if she had just come to me!”

“Really Arthur?” Uther raised an eyebrow at his son, still leaning back passively against the arm of the sofa. “I remember what you were like after Gwen, you were a mess, you hid it well perhaps, but you worked too much, drank too much. Can you honestly tell me that you were in the right mind-set to begin a lifelong relationship with this girl? Because no matter whether you are romantically involved or not, you will be a part of each other’s lives for the rest of them now. And you can’t tell me these past years haven’t strengthened you, haven’t made you a better man, because I’ve seen it and they have. And you will be a better father now because of them.”

“So I should be grateful?” Arthur sneered, glaring at his father. 

“No,” Uther huffed in annoyance. “Morgana is always instructing me to see the silver lining; I am attempting to offer the same advice.”

Arthur took a breath of a moment and finished the rest of his glass off in a gulp. He turned his head, considering his father from the corner of his eye. “You listen to Morgana when she talks?”

“Sometimes,” Uther smirked. “Don’t tell her.”

Father and son shared a small grin before Arthur’s faded, the full implications of tonight’s revelations dawning on him and he felt all of the blood drain from his face. “God, I have a daughter… I’m a father.”

“Yes, it is quite a feeling isn’t it?”

Arthur chuckled a little hysterically. “I think I need a drink.”

Uther smiled at him, patting his shoulder and retreated to the liquor cabinet. 

*

Arthur woke to the familiar pounding behind his eyes and the dry awful taste in his mouth. He wasn’t sure exactly what had roused him to his hangover until he heard his phone chirp annoyingly merrily somewhere on the floor. 

Rolling over he groped his hand around on the floor for his discarded jeans, blindly fishing his phone out of the pockets he flopped back to the bed and tried to focus his bleary eyes long enough to read. 

He had a missed call from Morgana, no doubt wanting to know what he had gotten Uther for his birthday, but the shopping trip just seemed so long ago now. 

And then he had texts, from a number he didn’t know but when he opened the message feed he realised who it was straight away. 

‘Arthur pls I am sorry’ the first one said. 

‘Can you just call me please’

‘Whatever you think of me its not Raes fault’

There was a gap then in the times before a text this morning: ‘just stop being a prat and call me back’. 

Arthur snorted into the air and let his phone drop back onto the bed. He lay there for a while, just staring at the ceiling, until his bladder announced its presence and he peeled himself from the sheets. 

*

Arthur trudged slowly down the wide staircase to his father’s kitchen. Uther was already up looking collected and awake in as casual an outfit Arthur ever saw him in; a shirt and jeans. Wordlessly Arthur slumped to the kitchen counter and accepted the mug of black coffee Uther passed across the counter with mumbled thanks. 

“How are you feeling?” Uther asked once Arthur had finished half of his coffee, feeling a bit more alive. 

“Hung over,” Arthur grunted with a wry smirk in his father’s direction. 

“You’ll learn soon enough to curtail the urge to drink,” Uther smirked picking up his own mug. “Have you decided what you are going to do yet?”

“I don’t know,” Arthur groaned, letting his head rest in his hands. “I haven’t really got my head around the fact that I have a daughter yet, let alone that she is already lived four years of her life without me-“

“Not about Rae Arthur,” Uther interrupted. “I’ve raised you well, I already know that you will step up to the mark and I have no doubt you will an exemplary father. I am talking about the girl.”

“Merlin?” Arthur asked incredulously staring at his father. His phone chirped again from where it was encased in his jeans against his thigh. Wiggling in his seat, he slipped it out.

‘your wondering how I got your number aren’t you’

Arthur couldn’t help but snort at the screen his thumb hover over the reply box. 

“I see you’ve decided that as well,” Uther interrupted Arthur’s thoughts bringing his gaze back up to see Uther considering him over his mug, looking rather smug. 

“What?”

“I’ve seen that look before,” Uther said. “I’ve seen it on you years ago when you came home from Uni with a new girlfriend and I’ve seen it on myself when I met your mother. You already know what you are going to do about Merlin; you just haven’t said it out loud yet.”

“She lied to me father,” Arthur said. “Kept the fact I had a daughter secret from me for years.”

“I know,” Uther nodded and stared silently at Arthur across the table. It was not a comfortable stare to be subjected to. Arthur stared back and tried not to squirm in his seat. 

“Alright,” Arthur muttered when he could feel the stare itching at his spine. “I’m gonna get out of your hair. I’ll see you for dinner on your birthday.”

“Arthur,” Uther called once Arthur was nearly by the door. Arthur turned to see Uther surveying him with a raised eyebrow. “I would like to meet my granddaughter at some point so don’t screw it up.”

Arthur snorted. “Oh that’s right, you’re a granddad now… Grandpa Uther. Makes you sound quite old don’t you think?”

Arthur smirked at his fathers displeased face and shut the front door behind him before Uther could send a volley back. 

*

Arthur held out a week - 7 days - before he found himself perched stiffly on a wooden park bench watching the children’s park across the field. If Arthur had had more than a few brain cells to spare at the time he may have thought about how dodgy it looked; for a thirty something man, sat alone in the park, staring at the children playing. But his brain was consumed at that moment, rolling over thirteen hundred times a minute and trying to stop his left leg from bouncing manically. 

There was a little blond head bouncing around the climbing frame now, even this sight at such a distance made Arthur feel slightly nauseous as he watched Rae clamber and climb, Alice hovering fretfully below. 

“So you finally figured out how to use a phone?”

Arthur startled from his stare as Merlin slipped herself neatly onto the bench beside him. “I needed some time,” he spoke softly. He laced his fingers together, staring at his interlocking digits. 

“Yeah I get that,” Merlin snorted by his side. “I got eight months to get my head around it before she came… sometimes I don’t think I’ve quite got it yet.”

Arthur chuckled softly and let the corner of his mouth quirk up but his gaze eventually drifted, back over to the swing set. He could almost hear the squeals of joy as Alice pushed her higher and higher.

“Look, Arthur,” Merlin sighed by Arthur’s side after a few minutes of silence. “My dad wasn’t around, ever, when I was little. I don’t even have a clue what the man looks like and I always wondered, no matter what mum said; was it because of me that he left? And I can’t stand the thought of her feeling the same.”

“So you should have known better,” Arthur said, his eyes still on the little girl; his daughter, meters away. “God Merlin, you can’t just dump me in her life an expect either of us to handle that very well!”

“No, I know. We can do this however you feel comfortable.”

“What-” Arthur took a deep breathe biting nervously at his lip. “Does she know who I am?”

“I told her about you. I told her you were a good man, and that would love her very much.” Arthur felt Merlin shift beside him, her body gravitating closer to his. “Look Arthur if you don’t want to do this I get it, I do-“

“What about us?” Arthur interrupted, turning to look at Merlin for the first time. Her wide gorgeous blue eyes blinked back at him nonplussed and a little crease appeared between her eyebrows.

“Us?”

“Me and you,” Arthur clarified, not taking his eyes from Merlin’s. “The me and you that was happening on the sofa right before I was bomb shelled with my secret love child.”

Merlin swallowed and shifted, like she was too big for her own skin. “I won’t lie Arthur, I had hoped… but I understand. I really do, and... god you must hate me. And I am so sorry, but I just didn’t know what to do and-“ tears were flowing freely from Merlin’s eyes now, seemingly without the woman’s knowledge as she continued to ramble her apologise for wrongs done years ago that couldn’t be undone. 

Arthur was mad at her, was sad and disappointed that he had missed those years of Rae’s life he could never get back. But he was never a man that could let Merlin cry and not do anything about it. He leant forward, cupping Merlin’s jabbering jaw and swiping his thumb gently across her high cheek clearing the tears. 

“I could never hate you Merlin,” he whispered. “We’ll work it out, it will all work out I promise.”

Merlin snorted wetly and weakly but brought her hand up to cover Arthur’s, moving his palm to press a hard kiss to the palm. “Would you like to meet you daughter?”

Arthur turned his hand in hers linking their fingers together, attempting to hide his trembles. “I don’t know if you remember last week but I kind of already did.”

“Without you running away this time,” Merlin scoffed, a playful twinkle to her eyes. 

“Oh,” Arthur grinned. “Do you have another surprise waiting for me? An ill-advised tattoo perhaps.”

“Well there’s Rae’s twin brother,” Merlin mused loftily. “Had I not mentioned him?” Merlin pulled an abashed face when Arthur nearly choked on his tongue. “Too soon?”

“Yes that was too bloody soon,” Arthur choked, trying to get his pulse back down. “Jesus Merlin.”

She just grinned at him and stood from the bench walking towards the playground, letting their hands untwine behind her. Arthur watched her back walk away and mingle with the other bodies and children running around, and saw the little blond head come shooting down the slide, right into Merlin’s arms. Arthur stood, took a deep breath, and stepped forward towards his future. 

*

Some Years later…

“Oh My God! Ew, ew, ew!”

Arthur blinked up and away from where he was liberally exploring the luscious planes of Merlin’s neck to turn his head sideways. Rae was stood in the doorway to the front room, the golden locks falling freely over her slim shoulders and one hand firmly clamped over her eyes. 

“What?” Arthur responded, just about withholding his groan as Merlin wriggled beneath him on the sofa to see what the hold up was, her pelvis brushing against stirring parts of his anatomy. 

His teenage daughter did not remove her hand from her eyes as she waved in the general vicinity of her parents locked together on the sofa. 

“Can’t you be normal and old and celibate like any normal parents. Ew!” she cringed backing blindly out of the room. ”I need therapy! Therapy!”

Arthur had already gone back to the highly delicious spot behind Merlin’s ear that made her wrap her leg around the back of his knee and arch into him when he heard a male voice mutter and Rae talking: “No Mordred! Don’t look, it will scar you for life” and the then the door was blessedly closed.

Arthur returned with fervour to his previous activity only diverting his course when Merlin twisted a hand in his hair drawing their mouths together for a deep kiss.

“Wow, I’m impressed,” Merlin murmured as Arthur slipped a hand under her t-shirt, cupping a hand to her trim waist, still fitting into his grip the same after all these years.

“Hmmm,” Arthur mumbled in response, now making his way down to Merlin’s collar bone. 

“You must be exceptionally horny tonight.”

“I always want you you fine creature,” Arthur grinned, rolling his hips down onto Merlin forcing that lovely little sound she made from her full lips. “Why would tonight be any different?”

“Oh,” Merlin murmured breathlessly running her long fingers through Arthur’s hair, “just because that was Rae’s new boyfriend and you didn’t even stop to interrogate the poor boy.”

Arthur paused and pulled back to see Merlin looking up at him with her evil grin and a shrewd glint to her eye. 

Arthur was up and off the sofa in a shot, Merlin’s laughter following him as he jogged up the stairs. His lovely wife could wait to be ravished later; he could not waste one minute in letting this little boy know the consequences of screwing with his daughter. 

THE END


End file.
